Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Road to Sufficient Excellence
I decided to chart my energy level and mood from highest joy-filled bliss to depths of despair and depression.
I wanted to see where I was when I started to slip.
See if I could catch myself before falling too far. Reroute my thinking. Rewrite my thoughts.
Here's how it went:
I am the purist energy of all the universe. I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this moment. Present moment perfection.
I am blissfully happy, at peace with the world. All is well.
Life floats effortlessly from one blink to the next. I am alive, vibrant me! I have always been one-of-a-kind.
I accept all that is around me. I am whimsy. I am calm. I am beautiful and capable.
I am able to see my path and follow it with confidence.
I set goals and attain them one at a time. Moving forward.
I wipe my tears and stand tall. I can do this.
I find strength and direction to complete small tasks.
It is at this point that I can allow myself no further descent without intervening. Here is where I get out a notebook and pen, or grab chalk and stand before my kitchen board. I write a list of tasks that need doing, and I do them. The movement unsticks me. It shows me that I can accomplish things. Simple tasks. It keeps me hovering above what follows if I ignore my decline.
I sit...unmoving. Fear grips me.
Swirling thoughts. Mindless eating. Things will never change.
Accept it. Feel the pull. This is who you are.
My way is foggy and obscure. I have myself to blame.
I am not important.
I never do anything right.
I'm a failure. I'm not that smart.
I'll never amount to anything.
Life is pointless. Darkest despair. I am worthless.
So I don't want to depress you with this list!!! If you're feeling low after reading to the end, go back to the beginning and read the good stuff. We ALL have the ability to strap on some imaginary hover shoes and float to higher ground.
All the time.
We can shift our focus through a deep breath, a gentle rolling of the shoulders, and an easy mantra:
"I am sufficiently excellent at being me."
Many blessings and much love,